I am a Banquet Manager
A few months ago, I received an email entitled "I am a Front Desk Manager." I thought it was brilliant, and after the two weeks I just had, decided to put my own spin on it.
I am a banquet manager.
I will ensure every aspect of your event is flawless, seamless, and nothing short of miraculous. I have verified with the front desk that every member of your group has an extended 4 o'clock checkout, and have already ensured that Engineering will build a new wing by 3 o'clock today to accomodate all the other guests checking in.
I have comped your room, and you will be receiving triple rewards points for that terrible and regretful trouble you had pushing the stiff elecvator button at the last property in which you stayed.
I am fully versed in each piece of audio visual equipment you had shipped in from an outside company last month, as I've had time to study it while it sits in my office. I will instantly troubleshoot the interfacing problems your laptop circa 1987 has with the LCD projector. I am also capable of reprogramming your hard drive so that PowerPoint 200o is fully compatible with your Mac OS2.
Each server knows you by name, and will stop serving any other guest to assist you with your nametag making, as you are the only VIP guest we have or have ever had.
You will of course not be paying room rental for the entire grand ballroom, as I fully empathize with you that the moon has just entered into Leo, and the trees outside are growing in the decidedly wrong direction.
No, you will not be paying for internet fees, as per your original email when you booked the function six years ago. Of course, I have a hard copy and have memorized every email, telephone log, conversation and written letter, as well as each version of the contract and all revised and re-revised banquet event orders dating back from the original sales call six years ago. I have a direct psychic link with the sales manager, event planner, third party planner, event manager, and secretary that has been involved with your day meeting.
I understand that you are close personal friends with Mr. Marriott, and that all this time the entire company has been duped into thinking his name is not John.
Not only do I have each package you had delivered to the hotel, but I also have a GPS system embedded within my cranium which allows me to instantaeously track any package in the FedEx, UPS, USMail, and DHL system. Of course I apologize for only being able to track those four mentally, and for that I will of course be comping your afternoon break which is obviously coming out too early because I neglected to tap the memorized email your cousin sent the sales manager's dog last November.
I have an infinite supply of easels, projectors, flipcharts and spare laptop computers, and you have every right to expect these items upon demand.
I am a banquet manager. I can do all.
I feel so much better now.
I am a banquet manager.
I will ensure every aspect of your event is flawless, seamless, and nothing short of miraculous. I have verified with the front desk that every member of your group has an extended 4 o'clock checkout, and have already ensured that Engineering will build a new wing by 3 o'clock today to accomodate all the other guests checking in.
I have comped your room, and you will be receiving triple rewards points for that terrible and regretful trouble you had pushing the stiff elecvator button at the last property in which you stayed.
I am fully versed in each piece of audio visual equipment you had shipped in from an outside company last month, as I've had time to study it while it sits in my office. I will instantly troubleshoot the interfacing problems your laptop circa 1987 has with the LCD projector. I am also capable of reprogramming your hard drive so that PowerPoint 200o is fully compatible with your Mac OS2.
Each server knows you by name, and will stop serving any other guest to assist you with your nametag making, as you are the only VIP guest we have or have ever had.
You will of course not be paying room rental for the entire grand ballroom, as I fully empathize with you that the moon has just entered into Leo, and the trees outside are growing in the decidedly wrong direction.
No, you will not be paying for internet fees, as per your original email when you booked the function six years ago. Of course, I have a hard copy and have memorized every email, telephone log, conversation and written letter, as well as each version of the contract and all revised and re-revised banquet event orders dating back from the original sales call six years ago. I have a direct psychic link with the sales manager, event planner, third party planner, event manager, and secretary that has been involved with your day meeting.
I understand that you are close personal friends with Mr. Marriott, and that all this time the entire company has been duped into thinking his name is not John.
Not only do I have each package you had delivered to the hotel, but I also have a GPS system embedded within my cranium which allows me to instantaeously track any package in the FedEx, UPS, USMail, and DHL system. Of course I apologize for only being able to track those four mentally, and for that I will of course be comping your afternoon break which is obviously coming out too early because I neglected to tap the memorized email your cousin sent the sales manager's dog last November.
I have an infinite supply of easels, projectors, flipcharts and spare laptop computers, and you have every right to expect these items upon demand.
I am a banquet manager. I can do all.
I feel so much better now.
1 comment:
Will - nicely done. I really like the part about the "special friend". what a story! I do wonder if one can overthink choices. It seems when one lives through personal turmoil their reaction is one extreme or the other - to feel powerless and to let the rest of their lives wash over them, or to feel an overwhelming urge to control their own lives - often to the point that they no longer enjoy it and every bit is "scripted". I hope you don't think TOO much about your choices sometimes. Because that's when the fun stuff can happen that you least expect! E-mail me sometime. I miss you. Oh, and happy birthday!
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