First of all, Eloisa Hernandez is one of the most wonderful people on the planet. No, really. Eloisa is a lead banqet server at my property. Here is a woman who always smiles, (always), stands up for poelpe she doesn't like via a devil's advocate perspective. She might agree with you, but if you come close to making a value judgement on a person she will counter your every time, in one way or another. She's stopped me in mid-sentence when I'm most frustrated and heated, with a Monda Lisa I know what you're going to say, but you should think about it first glance. Servers with which I've had multiple issues, i.e. tardiness, refusal to perform basic tasks, impatience, she somehow finds a way to work around their issues. They listen to her, and look up to her. With all this inate understanding of her peers, and maternal nature she emulates without even so much as saying a word, she shocked me when I gave her a review. It was obviously a good review. She is one of the most talented people I've known in this field, as you might suspect. This woman is hospitality. She should be a Marriott mascot or something, if I can say that without somehow objectifying her. When she got that review, she seemed surprised, even very grateful. She demonstrated so much humility that afternoon I wanted to pick her up, place her on a dais and make paying homage to Eloisa an item on the sidework list.

One day last week, Eloia made a bee-line for the office, just as she always does, to get a copy of the next day's BEO's. (Banquet Event Orders for those of you on the outside). She typically works afternoons and evenings, setting coffee breaks and supervising small functions, overall making sure the way is cleared and paved for the morning chaos. Well, Eloisa wasn't smiling when she came to the office. She made the obligatory "hello" grin, but it was pretty obviously feigned. Eloisa couldn't be dishonest even in gesture. I asked her if she was okay, as I'm wont to do maybe a little too often, and of course she said she was fine, as people are wont to do maybe a little too often, for all of us who ask that question too much. Some of us mean it. You can't blame anyone for not knowing that. I really care about Eloisa. Quite a bit. I care a great deal for the entire department, on one level or another. I think Eloisa knows that, but of course, after "i'm fine", societal regulation 23.5 tells us not to pry. If you must, however, pry, you stop as soon as it gets personal enough to warrant something as probing and unnecessary as a hug, smile, pat on the back or even personal discourse. (shudder)

Second of all, I remember Harmony when this kind of thing happens. Not the abstract idealogical construct, but Harmony Baldwin. I knew her in high school. One phone conversation we had when I was 14 , one that I'll never forget, she told me I was too self-conscious, and that I was trying too hard. "Too hard?" She told me I was trying to be different, even though I already was. I was giving my alienation an outlet, giving people an excuse to turn me away so I could dismiss any possibility that it might be an actual personal flaw. I'd known this girl for like a month. I wasn't offended by her, just talen aback. Nobody outside my immediate family ever spoke on that level, and even then only after some form of low-level intoxication. I felt immediately closer to her, and in turn probed back. It wasn't about finding her flaws, or her finding mine, (though sometimes I wonder), but more about finding out what it was like to really get to know somebody.

Our porblems really don't differ from one person to the next, they just take different forms, different levels of extremety. I figured out then that we all live in these safe little isolationist bubbles, regardless of how open we think we are.

I mentioned in the previous ramble that two people I loved dearly were in different parts of the country. One of those people is Mark. Mark Via never once in his life lived in any kind of bubble. There he was. Out there. And he expected everyone else to be. This put most people off. He was beyond blunt, actively prodding with nearly every sentence and gesture from his initial conversation with people. He was argumentative, thoughtful, caring, probing, abrasive, all at once. Mark would never hesitate to point out flaws. But he would give his life to any stranger on the street. He would put down anybopdy who put down themselves. I used to tell him he was kicking people while they were down. Yet once he wrecked his car while trying to get to a shop to sell his surfboard so I could get my car fixed. I used to think this was a contradiction, but it really isn't. Mark just never learned that rule. Or he just ignored it. Kudos to Mark.

Somewhere there's a middle ground. If somebody as wonderful as Eloisa is having serious problems, and no one even tries to do anything, even cares to prod past "I'm fine", then how will we ever really get to know those people? I'm not even sure where this is going, except it seems things are better with her now. Maybe it was a bad day. And maybe because I didn't pry, she still smiles at me and keeps displaying her warm characteristics. Maybe if I did break the rule she would feel invaded. Probably.

I think we need more Mark's and Harmony's in the world.