On Alternative Lifestyles

Aside from being a man who is attracted to other men, my lifestyle really isn't all that "alternative". I go to work. I drink beer. I watch movies. I go to work. I read. I go to work. I write. Sometimes I worry if somebody knows I'm gay, and have a few minor quirks, but other than that I'm pretty average.

No, really.

Average.

I've never had the urge to dress as a woman, don't identify with being a woman, and have been known to tune into ESPN during Soccer season. (And not for reasons some might suspect).

Tonight my boyfriend went to view an apartment. (He's about to start with Marriott, fyi, big news!)...Anyway, it was a great apartment. A GREAT apartment. Near Tysons Corner, and steps from the Dunn-Loring Metro, it's fully equipped, new plush furniture, a large room which included a computer desk and a book shelf, and very new. But he doesn't think he'll take it. Reason? Roomies don't exactly exude those qualities usually present in gay-friendly individuals. I.E.,, they were pseudo-frat boys. I suggessted he write them an email and tell them. He may just drop it. Apparently there was a "bunch of fags" joke of some kind exchanged. Fair enough. Keep looking. Plenty of places in and around DC.

Why does this bother me? A whole lot?

Why are we black-listed? Why is it an issue? I used to understand, see the other side of the argument, but lately that argument is making kless and less sense. Why should Mike email a confession? Why is the burdon on him? It's not as if he chose characteristics from a shelf before birth. And yes, it's innate. Very innate. I knew I was gay at an early age, and hated myself bitterly for it until very recently. I had a nervous breakdown when I was 13 years old, dreaded the day I would have to tell my family for years and years. I still haven't told them. I would choose that... why? It's not my doing, not my choice, and for many years was not even my desire. I didn't WANT to WANT this. That kind of inner conflict is not something somebody would choose. You hate yourself for something that makes you happy. It's confusing, awkward, and you always feel as if there's a side of you, a developed, interwoven aspect of your personality and consciousness that you're not allowed to share. Why? It makes some people uncomfortable. And yet, somehow, I still feel guilty about it, my little secret.

A few other myths:

Gays are fashionable.

Me: Really, ask my friends.

Gay guys are great dancers.

Me: Nope. Really. Not good.

Gays are great decorators:

Me: I'll concede here - but I do live in a basement apartment amid boxes, mildew, and crampt space.

Gay guys hit on straight guys.

1) Gaydar does exist. It's a real thing, sometimes I wonder if it has something to do with phermemones. If a guy is straight, then yeah, I'll notice if he's good-looking. Will it occur to me to hit on him if I think he's straight? Of course not. Even if I think he has tendancies, it's not my place to help him out of his clautrophobic and sometimes terrifying closet. Not my choice, his.

2) If a woman hits on me, I'm not tempted to become violent. It does not threaten any aspect of my masculinity. That it does this to straight guys is a mystery to me. Really, I become flattered, and explain why exactly she's not my type. No harm done. None. Move on.

3) If you're a straight guy without your shirt on, and you're hanging out, we're not oging to stare at you, fantasize, and find a way to molest you. Not usually.

Seriously, my straight guy friends / room mates, some of which are really good-looking guys, have not tempted me once to do anything to breach the tust of our friendship. Some of us have hugged, slept in beds together, even wrestled. Not once did I consider taking this farther. It's not in context. I'm not aroused. Friends are friends. And let's face it, straight guys just don't do it for me. Why would I be attracted to someone who could never be attracted to me? That opens another psychological pandora's box if it does happen.

So yeah, the three big ones. There are many, many, many more.

So I'll end my little soap box rant with this:

Mike's not getting a great apartment because of the nature of the people he sleeps with.

Good night. I'm going to go out to a straight bar now and watch the breeders ply their trade.